Speaking of differences in cultural behavior, I would like to
share one of my experiences as a private tutor over the past 3 years. I have since
taught Chinese, Indian and Malay students and one of them was a girl named
Preeti. Her parents migrated from Bangladesh to Singapore after she was 6 years
old and did this so that she could obtain a Singaporean citizenship, assimilate
into the Singaporean culture, and inculcate the values in the local education
system when she joined a primary school.
Bangladeshi’s culture is largely defined by Islam’s teachings
and I thought by having many friends from various ethnicities, especially quite
a few Malay friends, I thought that it would be a breeze when it came to
interacting with people who had Bangladeshi cultural practices. Before the
first lesson, I took the initiative to offer a handshake to her mother and
brother, who were the only ones at home at that time, a simple greeting most of
us Singaporeans normally will offer as a friendly gesture. I was being polite
by extending my handshake as usually I would only come into direct contact or
conversation with the tutee’s parents. I was a little surprised to feel the
lack of enthusiasm and firmness in her elder brother’s handshake and it seemed
to me like he was trying to brush me off rudely. Why the difference in attitude
between the mother and son? A young, fiery and impulsive teenager like me,
jumped to the wrong conclusions easily, and I took it as insincere and rude,
and was honestly offended by his impolite response.
I brushed aside this disturbing experience till one day when I was
browsing the Internet; I found out that it was actually a Bangladeshi type of
handshake. Shaking hands was common in Bangladesh, but it was in their culture
to have a rather “limp” handshake. One which did not carry much force of firmness
the way we commonly shake an acquaintance’s hand in Singapore for example.
In the Bangladeshi culture, greetings usually take place between
members of the same sex. Women will only really be met within business contexts
and even so, it is best to wait and see if a hand is extended before doing so. Upon hindsight, I was glad that I did not show
any signs of displeasure in front of them as Preeti’s elder brother was somewhat
already trying his best to adapt into the Singaporean culture by accepting my
handshake. I guess it was awkward for him to receive a handshake from a lady
younger than him. However, if we bring our focus to the Singaporean context, it
is common place to see both males and females exchanging handshakes and even
more intimate forms of physical contact such as a friendly hug between friends.
From this, I learnt to be less judgmental and to take one step
back to contemplate if certain cultural practices make one act differently in
situations like this. It is not possible for others to fit into our perspective
and see things from our viewpoint if they have been brought up in a different
way.
Traditionally,
the Malays dine with their right hand while the Chinese dine with both hands
with chopsticks. When they dine together, the Chinese probably will not ask the
Malays to use chopsticks event though they might feel that using our bare hands
to eat isn’t the most hygienic way. Likewise, Malays probably will not ask the
Chinese to use only their right hands even though they think that left hands
are dirty according to their religion. In this case, both ethnicities respect each
other's cultures but stick to their own practices at the same time. I guess, this is what we mean, by
adapting to other cultures’ differences, and yet preserving the uniqueness of
our own ethnic group at the same time.
One last thing: I observed that one of my current Malay students
always puts her hands to her heart after a little handshake with her relatives.
I know that it is not expected of me, but do I attempt to do the same thing to
show respect to the elderly in her house? I have always wanted to do that, but
it thought it might be awkward and I might embarrass myself if I do it the
wrong way! ;(
